I hate starting my post with apologies but here it goes: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not being understanding and emotionally available as a sister for you,
I'm sorry for snooping around your stuff sometimes (but not always),
I'm sorry that I haven't stood down long enough to have a normal conversation with you
I'm sorry for still being mad at you over the biggest (hopefully not anymore) mistake you've made
I'm sorry for not wanting to be close to you
I'm sorry for not hugging back when you embraced me
I'm sorry for not sending you off at the airport
Now that you're so far away (yet so near), I'm able to be a little off guard and tell you what I have in mind: I don't like being a sucker in life and neither do you; I hate the fact that you never wanted to talk about that incident and instead, keeping things all to yourself; I'm frustrated that you'd rather chat with some stranger half way around the world and tell them intimate frustrations hidden in your heart, maybe the way I'm withdrawing myself from you has something to do with it but everything that has happened do have its cause and consequences and I hate going back and count on every detail just to prove that either you or I would be right....
The bottom line is, we're still sisters and I'm never going to discourage you from achieving your goals, though you should learn to at least consider how other's feel when it comes to major decision in life because once you shun people, it's hard to make them feel alright around you anymore.
Perhaps what you're doing now is like a form of redemption, I don't know, but if you want us, people who cared about you, to get over the negative things in the past, you must first get over your own guilt. It's always been the driving force that makes you do the things that you dislike and take irrational risks, you need to understand that I know my role and position in this family and I don't want you to feel sorry about anything.
I might have complaint during the downs in life but I did it in my own little corner, learning to do less of those and only focus on the enlightenment and joy out of what I do in my own life. If I have to seek spiritual solace and guidance to lead my life, or talk to someone just to get over the grievances in life, so let it be, though I've learnt more on depending on my own for a lot of things. So when I keep myself constantly busy with work, it is just a way to cope with the endurance of life. Try to understand, I don't hate you. With your every attempt to overcome any endeavor, I've always wished for your triumphant success, as any sane and caring sister would do. (Believe me, after all that has happened here, it's a great deal of milestone to be sane). Work hard, enjoy life, stay down to earth and make yourself feel mentally and emotionally healed again so we can pick up from where we have left before, and I promise you that I'll strive my very best keep my post here strong and stable, with everything staying intact. Don't you worry too much.
One last thing, I'm sorry for making you cry...